i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
