White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
