it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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