I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We have so much sex to catch up on
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
