wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
