If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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