i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
