the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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