I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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