Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
