I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
