he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
