If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
