I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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