i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i wish my penis had a tongue
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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