My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize