Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
