I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
