just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
