wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She's like a pop up book from hell.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
