its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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