He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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