You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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