Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
