I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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