dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
