I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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