guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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