Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
