last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
