My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
