I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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