He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
