Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
