A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
