you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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