So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize