i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize