South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
