that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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