dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
