Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
