is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
