Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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