just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
they're like a gay fantastic four
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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