Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
