"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
