I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
