why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
