it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
