I didn't shave. On purpose
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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