I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You are a genius and a whore.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
