when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
