I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
