Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
