I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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