I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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