and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize