He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
