plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
