I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize