Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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