apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
