so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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