Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
