i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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