She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
