and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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