His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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